72 Virgin Mystery Solved

IMG_0259For centuries the mystery of the 72 virgins have kept academics and scholars busy. Why would someone become a martyr for 72 virgins? The real question is whether 72 shags are worth dying for.

In an attempt to get answers for this perplexing question, scientists have enlisted the help of politicians, catholic priests, lawyers and various other professionals to screw as many virgins as possible. The results were not conclusive and in almost all cases the participants were unsatisfied.

The biggest problem was the fact that there are only 72 virgins after all. What happens after the 72nd one has been screwed?  Many scholars believe that the actual act of copulation with these virgins is not the real motivation for someone to blow themselves up. 

A brilliant young South African academic by the name of Piet Wolmerans has come up with an alternative theory. After spending his entire life in a small town in the Northern Cape called Hotazel (Hot as Hell), Piet realised that the real reason why these fanatics blow themselves up is to get away from the blistering heat. In fact he has witnessed a number of locals self-immolate.

1e01b6693888ec6aad8a1d18db51d78aThe 72 virgins, according to Piet is not for fucking, but to fan the martyr. 72 fans are infinitely more attractive than 72 once off sexual encounters, Piet postulates. He’s attempting to prove his theory by erecting a number of large outdoor fans in Hatazel to see if the number of self-immolations will decrease.